Just another dent in the damage…

I’m not quite sure what it is about football and the flying of those daft flags on cars that makes me want to explode with rage. I want to snap every last one of em and ram the remains so far up the arse of its owner that it pokes out of their mouth. I’m not anti flag flyers I don’t think but I just can’t help associating it with the BNP, with nationalism, fascism, hooliganism, Nazism and every other bad ism associated with football and its moronic fans. Being from Stoke I’ve witnessed a bleeding Razorlight gig turn into a full on war between Stoke City and Port Vale fans. Yes, I said Razorlight and yes, I’ve already served my time holding my head in shame. The actual term football hooliganism brings to mind the first and last nazi skinhead I hope to ever meet, Moz. At the weekends Moz liked to go and watch the football match (I forget whether he was Stoke or Vale) followed by a nice round of ‘paki bashing’ with his pals. I remember we were round his house one afternoon when he was playing his crap music so loud it was making my ears bleed. When I asked him why he wouldn’t turn it down he said ‘I like pissing the nigga next door off’. I never went round to see Moz ever again after that. But anyway I understand that not all football fans are like this and it is possible to be proud of your team and support your team without being a total douchebag. I just don’t get this whole hooligan culture we are so famous for – why don’t we suffer from cricket hooliganism or rugby hooliganism? Or do we? Is it just the fact that the media enjoy stories about football hooliganism much more than they do about any other game that involves a team and a ball? I don’t necessarily think I have a problem with football per se it’s more the association it has with those horrible lager-guzzling fatties falling about town at the weekends waving their short stumpy arms in the air slurring some nah na nah lyrics about how we won a war and a World Cup. “Oo are ya, Oo are ya, Oo are ya?”

But yesterday I, along with a few thousand other people left work early to get home in time to watch the match. Why? I sat on my sofa (alone) for a solid hour and fourty-five minutes shouting at Crouch to sort out his ridiculously long spagetti legs. Why? I jumped to the edge of my seat as Terry saved the hopes and dreams of a nation. Why? I waved MY arms in the air when the ball sailed into the back of the net. Why? Why did I fall victim to this awful bout of World Cup-itis? I’m most certainly not proud of the next thing I have to say but I, Lex Rigby actually really enjoyed the match on a whole. The tension, the excitement, the anxiety, the relief, the joy, the commentary (I even added my own). I don’t think I’ll attempt any great analysis of the actual football played but I think I did well to make these few observations:

Rooney looks like Shrek,
Terry made a cracking save,
Crouch has the longest legs on Earth,
Two players are called Cole,
Beckham’s blue boots clashed with his kit,
Robinson has massive thighs,
Lampard’s hair is thinning on top,
Gerrard gobbed after he scored – gross,
And that man that sits next to Sven looks like Johnny Biggs from Coronation Street.

So what’s next? England v Sweden? Are we likely to win? We’re currently at the top of the group with six points, yes?

Militant leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has been killed, Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri Maliki has announced.

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God 1:Satan nil!

UPDATE 09/06/06:

I just read that the two 500lbs bombs dropped on Zarqawi’s safe house DID NOT instantly kill him! Wow. He apparently died on a stretcher he’d been lifted onto by Iraqi police after muttering ’something indistinguishable and short’.

As today is supposed to be the ‘end of the world’ I thought I’d better make some attempt to write something. I’m not a bumbling Armageddon believer or very well aware of the symbology regarding 666 or 06/06/06 as the case may be (don’t worry), I just wanted to point out what a glorious day it is today for a day of satanic power. While I’m not particularly looking forward to the ‘demonic galactic missiles’ being shot to earth (isn’t George Bush already responsible for much of these anyway?) I’m rather excited about the rapture and waving a nice big ’see ya later’ to the Christian faithfuls about to be called up to the heavens by ‘our’ Lord Almighty Himself! Tomorrow then I hope to find some stories about the disappearance of the President Bafoon and a report concerning his new residence on cloud nine complete with elegant sawn off angel wings and a golden harp (we can’t let him have wings because he might be tempted to come and cause more trouble down here). But, what if God decides to punish us non-believers by leaving him here to make more and more ‘errors of judgment’? We’re in for a bad time either way really as we try and rebuild what’s left (if anything) of the world once these ‘demonic galatic missiles’ have hit us!

As a little something off topic, GG has a new post up on CIF. Interesting, but a tiny little criticism George, less of the heroics and more about Margaret Hassan herself and the failings of the government please. We need sources. FACTS FACTS FACTS. None of this unnamed ‘official’ malarky. But remember kids. It’s not what you read it’s what you choose to believe and I believe in the power of GG (even though he is getting more and more disappointing). I STILL BELIEVE.

Now go and see The Omen!

With a little tweking this could go a long way.

An adult gorilla has the same ability to use language, the same complex emotions, and the same capacity to feel pain as a three-year-old human child, or many disabled adults. So we should only use that gorilla in an experiment if we would also use a three-year-old child or a disabled adult with comparable mental functioning ‘€“ an abhorrent situation I cannot imagine ever sanctioning.

The basics from Newsround:

Practical argument

• Animal testing can be misleading.
• An animal’s response to a drug can be different to a human’s.
• Successful alternatives include test tube studies on human tissue cultures, statistics and computer models.
• The stress that animals endure in labs can affect experiments, making the results meaningless.
• Animals are still used to test items like cleaning products, which benefit mankind less than medicines or surgery.

Moral argument

• Animals have as much right to life as human beings.
• Strict controls have not prevented researchers from abusing animals.
• Deaths through research are absolutely unnecessary and are morally no different from murder.
• When locked up they suffer tremendous stress. Can we know they don’t feel pain?